The Foolishness of Preaching

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Tue, 07 Jun 2011 00:17:22 -0400

I haven’t written in a long while. I haven’t blogged in an even longer while. As I return I have some confessions:

For most of my life I have been a person who proclaims the truth that being a missionary isn’t something you can only do in a foreign place and, simultaneously, a person who doesn’t think like a missionary when I’m not abroad. Many are the hours that I feel the call to serve St. Pete, few are the moments I’ve answered that call. For most of the past 2 months I’ve been comparing myself in my head to Jonah. Knowing that I am running from Jehovah’s call for this time and feeling as if a gigantic fish is going to swallow me up. I’ve been told by multiple people that I have symptoms of anxiety and I have brushed them off. I realize now that I am anxious as I wait for my whale. The stress in my back and shoulders is unbearable, the feeling of sin waiting outside my door (even my bedroom door) is paralytic, the constant whispers of satan’s thugs are penetrating into and perpetuating my most fleeting thoughts, and I won’t take it anymore.

There are enormous flaws in the ways I view my relationship with God through Jesus. The more I think about what I can do for God, the less I think about what He did for me, and so the glory given to God when I DO things “for Him” are decayed (because I’m really doing those things for myself). I will pray daily to increase God’s glory and decrease the amount of thought I put on myself, in every aspect of my life. I will allow grace to take what it pleases and give what it wills.

That’s what I got. I’m committing to serve where I am, give where I am, and live where I am; instead of in the future that I thought I already had. For HIS glory.

Photo

Sat, 06 Nov 2010 18:23:16 -0400

Mudslides and Flooding

Sat, 06 Nov 2010 18:21:45 -0400

There have been mudslides in Los Anonos and San Antonio, barrios in Escazu. For the past few days we’ve been bringing food to a feeding center in Los Anonos where we have been serving food to people while they are salvaging their belongings and the parts of their house they are trying to take with them. Los Anonos is a community comprised mostly of squatters, an area that the government has been trying to clear for a long time, because of it’s location right on a bend in the river, they flooding of Los Anonos has been disastrous. The water rose at least 20 feet in some parts and still had enough force behind it to knock down structures. Plots of land where there were once houses have been completely washed away in the river. The last estimate I heard was 22 dead. We have been taking the guys in the center down to Los Anonos to help. They have been very helpful not only in helping people move their things, but we have also seen them praying for families and individuals. There is still a lot to be done here. We have relationships with some families in Tiribi (the area of La Aurora nearest to the river) that need clothes and food because they lost so much during the flooding. To be honest I don’t know what our next step is, but I am sure that God is guiding our efforts and that if you can help it would be truly appreciated. We can always use financial support and if you’d like to give online you can do so here. Please pray for guidance, safety, and hope as these families try to rebuild or relocate.

sitting at a desk

Sun, 17 Oct 2010 16:16:16 -0400

We got a desk in our room finally. Which means I’m sitting at a desk for the first time in a while. Don’t really have much to say. Had to kick another guy out of the center the other day for smoking weed and failing a drug test. So we’re down to four now. Here are some thoughts I’ve had recently:

Concerning physical war: isn’t coming to the conclusion of war a lot like saying that in order to solve a problem certain people have to be killed? Is it ok to say that people need to die? Is this love? Or does love provide a better way?

Carrying deadly weapons: I haven’t ever had a problem with this. But now I think I do. This situation is very similar to war I think. If I’m carrying a concealed deadly weapon (and we all know the ones I mean, a pocket knife is good for other things than killing people, a pistol, however, is a little less utilitarian. In the words of Lynyrd Skynyrd “Ain’t no good for nothing but put a man six feet in a hole”) have I not already started to hierarchically categorize the value of human life? Like this: “If someone attacks a stranger, I may pull my gun, depends on the situation. If someone attacks me, I’ll probably pull my gun as a last resort (‘cause I’m a real man). But if someone attacks my mother, sister, daughter, wife, I’m pulling that trigger faster than I can say, ‘Love your neighbor.’ ” Is this ok? I don’t know. Wouldn’t love rather be taken advantage of? Wouldn’t love show meekness?

Socialism (again, sorry): I’ll concede that it’s impossible to ensure worldwide temporal equality, probably even national temporal equality. But since it’s impossible on a large scale does that mean that it’s not worth trying within a community? I don’t think it’s impossible on a small scale. On the other side of that thought is this one, is it even important anymore to strive for temporal/monetary equality on any scale? People are different from each other, we are going to behave differently. Is there any way that any one man can be equal to another? I am different from everyone in my tax bracket, my neighborhood, my state (this is why representative democracy doesn’t work). To achieve real equality, we don’t have to destroy all the social, or other, differences among people; this is an impossibility. What we have to do is altogether rise above the differences, as followers of a better Way. We don’t need to focus on bringing the poor up to the middle class or the wealthy down to the middle (even more so; we don’t need to bring the so called “third world” countries up to the “developed” world or bring the super powers into a more restricted governance), for these differences concern the secular world. And this world has already been defeated, John 16:33.

Nothing on the schedule today, except to hopefully go out to eat with Spencer at a restaurant that offers a 1/2 pound hamburger.

First Refugio blog post. We’ll be trying to keep everybody...

Fri, 08 Oct 2010 09:22:39 -0400

First Refugio blog post. We’ll be trying to keep everybody more informed on the happenings of the Refugio. Follow 68refugio.tumblr.com

Team got here late last night because of flight delays, they’re coming to the house at 9 to hangout. Let’s do this!

too short for a title

Thu, 07 Oct 2010 19:26:54 -0400

Whenever Jehovah opens a door for me and I am bold enough to walk through it, I see the wonderful things He can do and I’m always convicted about all the open doors I’ve slammed shut or walked away from. How come when I have time to reflect on what Jehovah has done in my life and the things I’ve seen him do in others I instead choose to use that time on myself and forget what He has done for me and through me?

Praise the Lord oh my soul and never forget all the good he has done.

Psalm 103:2

Why am I still surprised when God does cool stuff?

oh to be a candlestick

Sat, 02 Oct 2010 11:06:52 -0400

The accoutrements in Beauty and the Beast make service seem so easy. I’ve learned here that service is not just offering a service, but being prepared to give anything for which you are asked. Jesus tells us to love people. And Jehovah gives us the greatest example of love by always providing what we need, whether it be sustenance, correction, encouragement, rebuke, or wisdom. But we can’t tell what people need. We know people need love, we know people need food and water. But what do we do for the rest of it? Can we reason to figure out what our friends need? Maybe. Will we be right? Probably not. Which means we have to trust, which is super difficult for me. It means we have to first trust the Spirit of God. We have to believe that the Spirit is moving among us as believers and we have to believe that God knows what our friends need (1 Corinthians 2:10-12). And second it means that we have to trust people, the people we are serving. Over and over I am reminded (convicted) that I need to give WHATEVER to WHOEVER asks (Matthe 5:38-42) and that if I don’t do this the love of Jehovah is not seen in my life (1 John 3:17). This is so difficult in so many situations. It is very difficult to give money for the bus to a man that I know has lost his house and family because he squandered away his money on drugs. It is not easy to give encouragement to people that constantly insult others. It is difficult to give my attention to someone who is constantly lying to me. But this is what they ask for, our attention, our gifts, our support.

It is very humbling for me to give people what they don’t deserve. It is a feeling I have never felt before. Now I know that this is what it feels like to serve Jehovah. It is very uncomfortable, down right painful sometimes. And I pray right now that I would never settle for anything else. Because in the end: “Life is so unnerving for a servant who’s not serving.” We’re not whole without a soul to wait upon.

i'm trading my sorrows

Sun, 26 Sep 2010 22:55:15 -0400

It’s been a tough couple of days for me. I have felt really taken advantage of, and I have never had that feeling to this degree before. It’s really eye opening for me because I’ve always thought about living totally surrendered, and I talked like I was and many people warned me that when you live totally surrendered to the will of God, people will take advantage of you. I always thought that I was living totally surrendered. But today I realized that I never have.

The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you.

John 15:19

I have thought that I was well separated from the world. That I had agreed to be set apart and consecrated to Jehovah alone. But now I realize that I never gave enough. But now I realize that I have only just begun to separate myself from the world. That I have only recently started to believe that there is no value in this world. And that is why today I feel taken advantage of. I realize that I should expect to feel this way, Jesus says almost a million times that everyone will hate me, but knowing and feeling are two very different actions.

So, this morning at church I was really down and we sang the song, “Trading my Sorrows” (but in Spanish) and the words really hit me. Here they are:

I’m trading my sorrow
I’m trading my shame
I’m laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I’m trading my sickness
I’m trading my pain
I’m laying it down for the joy of the Lord

And we say yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord
Yes Lord yes Lord yes yes Lord Amen

I’m pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned
Struck down but not destroyed
I’m blessed beyond the curse for his promise will endure
And his joy’s gonna be my strength

Though the sorrow may last for the night
His joy comes with the morning

I had never even heard anything in these words before, I had just been singing them in vain. Today, I really connected with this song. Persecution will come. Situations press upon us. We get struck down. And if I were doing this for any selfish motivation, my strength would be sucked out like the last sip of a Slurpee. But we have the ability to get our strength from another source than our selfish desires. We have access to the most powerful force in all creation. And when I feel sorrow, pain, sickness, shame, I can trade that in for the joy that only Jesus can give.

something i don't understand

Tue, 21 Sep 2010 01:28:19 -0400

Tonight I need to talk about one of the many things I don’t understand. Let it be known that usually when I start a blog post, I know how it is going to end, but this is a different case. Tonight I am reminded that I cannot for one second understand Life.

In my current personal worldview I can see 2 powers apparent enough to be mentioned. The most powerful is Jehovah god and the other is Satan. And I feel that I pretty much understand that Jehovah does good things and Satan does evil ones. I can see that in my life and throughout scripture. But then comes a night like tonight when I am reminded of a third force to which I can assign no name other than Life. Tonight I could feel Jehovah moving and I could also see Satan moving in the house. I could see victory in some of my brothers and I could see lies being heard and believed by others. The victory I can ascribe only to Jehovah and the lies only to Satan. All day I was oblivious to the third power. I knew nothing about where it was moving, what it was doing, or the motives behind its actions. But it was doing something. This evening I was smacked right in the face with this third force, Life came to me unexpectedly and suckerpunched me straight in the kidneys. It’s very difficult for me to understand, because I cannot discern evil from good in this instance. In this occurrence I can find no fingerprints of the Mighty One or of the evil one. The only thing I know is that it made me feel bad. It made me regret decisions I had made in the past and it discouraged me. After admitting these feelings, I would usually ascribe this action to Satan, the great discourager. But when I reassess the situation I realize that it is very hard for me to believe that the person from whom this suckerpunch came is being used as an instrument of Satan. Because I know that my struggle, like yours, is with spiritual forces and not against physical beings I cannot determine if this is from Jehovah or from the evil one. It is very hard for me to ascribe this happening to Jehovah because it is very discouraging to me, and I cannot recall a single occurrence of being discouraged by Jehovah (though all things are possible for Him).

So to whom do we attribute such actions? Many people would say, “That’s life.” or “It happens.” or “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.” I think that all these are true, with the addition of the saying “Life is not fair.” Because with Jehovah god, you always know that you’re going to get: something that works out for good (Romans 8:28). We cannot say “Jehovah is not fair.” can we? He has proven just in many situations. And we cannot claim that we don’t know what we’re going to get with Satan either, he always works toward an evil end (if he didn’t his “kingdom” would fall, Matthew 12:24-31). I am claiming to have no answers in this matter. Only questions. Is it possible for something to be spiritually neutral? Does every occurrence in this world have an inherent positivity or negativity? Are some things “just life”?

I have no clue.

the stench

Fri, 17 Sep 2010 03:10:00 -0400

I have been Lazarus and I have been Martha. Today I was Martha.

“But, Lord,” said Martha, the sister of the dead man, “by this time there is a bad odor, for he has been there four days.”

- John 11:39

When people have been “living” in the death that is our sinful nature, they produce a very offensive odor. We’ve all had to rid ourselves of these odors. My personal sinful body odor, or S.B.O if you prefer, is usually arrogance, pride, and more arrogance. Today I had to deal with the most offensive odors I’ve ever had to deal with in my life. Selfishness is an odor that is just so pungent that I can smell it from a mile away. From the moment words come out of your mouth, if there is a slight hint of that selfish aroma in my nostrils you might as well be talking to a brick wall. No scent makes me want to give up on someone more than the scent of selfishness.

But then I am reminded of what Jesus said to Martha when she complained about the odors she would have to endure when she was helping raise someone from the dead.

“Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?”

If we really want to see the glory of God, we’ll have to plug our noses and dive right into the stench; into the responsibility of others’ selfish behavior, into the stolen advantages of living surrendered to Jehovah, into the pit that is spiritual warfare.

And when I can really do that, I’ll be able to see my brothers rise from the dead and throw away their grave clothes and walk with them right back into the stench.

My favorite pictures from the Independance Day celebrations.

Wed, 15 Sep 2010 18:42:00 -0400

My favorite pictures from the Independance Day celebrations.

gatos y perros

Tue, 14 Sep 2010 00:32:54 -0400

It rained a lot today, at the most inconvenient times. Today was one of those days that makes a person want to give up. Today that person was me. I completely understand that my struggle is not against the guys in the men’s center, or any other human being for that matter. My struggle is against the powers of darkness that are unseen. That knowledge does not change the fact that I wanted to punch every single one of the guys in the face today. Anton felt the same way most of the day. They act like children. They completely lack discipline and respect for any type of authority whatsoever. As someone who has never really understood the need for discipline, order, and justice; today I remembered that I’m not only here to teach and reach people, but that I’m here so that God can teach me. I’ve learned a lot in the past few weeks. I’ve learned that drugs really can ruin lives. I’ve learned that discipline and justice are completely necessary. I’ve learned that you can make a tattoo machine out of a toy motor, a button, a cell phone charger, a bent spoon, and the spring from a retractable pen.

I still have problems with the practicality of discipline and justice. I have never been in a position where I am the one showing justice for such a prolonged period of time. I pray that God will show me how to implement his justice, that he would give me his discernment and his wisdom.

Also I’m staying for another 4 weeks.

fan the flames

Sun, 05 Sep 2010 21:52:26 -0400

Today was a very sad day. Today we had to close down the men’s center for 7 days. It is necessary, but it is sad. We are closing for a week because we are changing a lot of things. We are opening back up on Saturday with a whole new program and new rules. As it was, the men’s center was really just a place for guys from the street to sleep at night. The vision for the men’s center now is for a 24/7 center to help men get back on their feet (or just, to their feet, if they weren’t ever on them) by helping them grow in their relationship with God and with others. The vision is to provide professional counseling, drug testing and rehabilitation medication, and all around spiritual support through community (as well as a place to live and 3 meals a day). Obviously, these changes are going to take a lot of resources. The number one need right now is for prayer. Please help us by praying for wisdom, strength, and boldness. Please ask God to keep us hopeful when we feel like we can’t help these guys. Ask him to provide us with the boldness it takes to be just when we want to show mercy, and for the meekness to show mercy when we want to be just. When you go to God with these requests also remember the men at the men’s center. I’m certain most of them have no other place to sleep and are on the rainy streets of Alajuelita right now. Pray for their strength in their relationship with the Lord, so that they may resist temptation. Pray for their safety and their spiritual protection. If you are interested in helping financially, contact me by facebook or by email at michael@spigotstudios.com

new house

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 13:33:00 -0400

So the men’s center moved yesterday. We’re now staying in pastor Jorge’s old house. There are 4 rooms, a big kitchen, a full bathroom, a big living/dining room. Anton talked to the cable people yesterday and there is cable coming into the house now, but we don’t have a modem for internet or a tv. We’re going to work on getting a modem so we can have internet today. I was really sick yesterday and last night, I think it was because of the pork I had at Spencer’s the night before. I felt terrible all day, weakness and body aches. There was a bunch of food left over so Anton took a bag of like 5 ribs and ate 2 yesterday; and today he feels the way I did yesterday. Sucks. But it’s all good. Feeding center at the church in a little while. Getting my iphone charged up so I can use it as a camera and get y’all some pictures of the house and the guys. God has been teaching me a lot. A few days ago, me and Becca were talking after dinner/before youth group, and we talked for probably 30 minutes about living only by faith. About how scary it would be and about how it’s really hard to do. Living by faith is something that is so outside of our culture and worldview that it seems psychopathic. Not worry about what happens tomorrow…that means no savings accounts, no emergency credit cards, no food stockpiles, no energy reserves. Give us today our daily bread. What if we really lived that way? Only working for enough money to live one day. I don’t even know how to start thinking like that.

My tico haircut.

Fri, 20 Aug 2010 20:37:19 -0400

My tico haircut.

Photo

Fri, 20 Aug 2010 15:09:23 -0400

roll with it

Fri, 20 Aug 2010 15:02:23 -0400

We are on 30 minutes of downtime right now. I wanted to try to capture some footage and put together a video but I don’t think I’ll have time to before we go out again. We’re going out again to finish up our service scavenger hunt. It’s really fun, we split up into 2 teams and we have a list of things to like; “buy food for a homeless person…get a tico haircut…pray for a local pastor…drop off the halfpipe at the refugio” It’s a lot of fun, we’re documenting all the stuff so a lot of it will be on the video. We climbed up to 3 different crosses on the mountain to the south of us. It was a lot of fun, very difficult. It’ll definitely make the video. So…I’ll try to get a video done tonight and start the long process of uploading tonight also.

Adios.

Costa Rica video blog. This was taped yesterday and the day...

Tue, 17 Aug 2010 00:28:46 -0400

Costa Rica video blog. This was taped yesterday and the day before. Good stuff happening here. Lots of interesting things going on. Astounded by the beauty here, and the community with the brothers and sisters with whom I am serving. Stay tuned.

1,000,000 MPH

Sat, 14 Aug 2010 14:45:16 -0400

I’m in the Miami airport. I landed here about 1145. My next flight starts boarding at 710 so I’ve got a little time to kill. I spent the first hour exploring the airport. It’s very crowded and busy. The exploration did help me get used to the backpack I’m using which is freaking great. Thanks a lot to Krista Austin for loaning it to me! I feel worn out. I have been eating only fast food for the past 2 days on account of being on the road and not having time once I did finally get home. So that is catching up with me. It’s times I feel like this when I remember that we are not meant to be sustained by material things. If we were material beings, then material things could always provide us sustanence. But since we were made as spiritual beings we need more than physical nourishment and material stimulation to live. Which right this moment convicts me as to why I never forget to eat a meal but I can often conveniently “forget” to spend time with God. Where do I want to get my sustanence? From the source of all life or from Mickey D’s? If we were material beings we would be content with what we see around us, what we feel immediately, what we can observe. But since we are all always searching to see things that are yet unseen, feel things we’ve never felt, and do things we’ve never done I am very much convinced that spiritual sustanence comes from the source of greatest mystery our divine creator.

Costa Rica

Tue, 10 Aug 2010 22:40:00 -0400

Preparing for Costa Rica. Right now I’m short on funds, leaving on Saturday morning, and don’t know where I’m staying after the first week. Praise God! Anyway, keeping on praying. Have been thinking about the difference between telling people about Jesus and showing people what he is like. I think it doesn’t help people spiritually to act like Jesus and not tell them why. I also think it doesn’t help people spiritually to tell them about Jesus and not to act like him. We have a responsibility to be like Jesus AND tell people about him. One or the other does nothing.